Inner Voice of m0nstAr ❤❤

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

useless me ? ♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 2:17 AM

m i that useless? jus like everyone think of me ? from the every moment i decided to go into the industry, there so much objection including my dearest bro.

still remenber he say that if i really wan go into the industries y not go n find back your feel in interior design ..

but i really like this industry.. y i m nt following my dream ??? why ??
why cant i prove them wrong ?

i really feel bad for adding so much trouble to my dear.. his work already so what n i still need
him to worry about me.. even my 1st case is also he help me de.. somehow i really feel m i a good gf after all a nt ?

only recently i den realise that my prev r/s is a total failure.. to gab i m nt understanding , nt flexible , sucky character n attitude .. is this also y i gt nt much fren ard ? is this y i get anti frm ppl .. seem like the pro lie with me

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

jumber up thots ♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 12:54 AM

is already the dont knw how many days i cant slp leii.. the whole mind is full of thot that i really need time to think n slove n i really dun know what to do ..

may be dear is corret i really need to reformat my brain n body as while !!

i look at myself in the mirror n wonder what had happen to me !!

whr the person who cant stay at home !! whr does it goes to ? i had been home almost every single day !! even weekends n public holiday !! i miss the sun , the moon n the star !!! i hate the 4 walls !!! but i gt no1 !! how i really wish i have fren but i don have rem the words " i dun have any " i m trying my very hard to get use to being alone,shopping alone , eating alone!! is it that as a person grow older he or she get more lonely !! even parent r out shopping , sisters are all out !! n i m the only one home !!

where the demanding princess goes to ? had she die off wif her pervious r/s ? or is it only to gab she then have the spoilt attitude or she is so useless n dun dare to do it on anyone else cox no matter what or hw demanding , he will always give in until he finally feel sick of giving in ? Sometime i really feel that is i change le or i grow up le ? whr the person who demand her bf to accompany her , fetch her almost everyday no matter what the issue is cox she dun care! now i only meet dear once or twice a week .. soon may be lesser ba , since i taken up a part time job plus my full time .. partly is for the money but partly is jus dun wish to be at hm at least there sth to occupay me when u r busy !! to be true i dun expect him
to pei me everyday n i understand his work n family ! but jus sometime i will wonder have i be ever part of your life before ? if without me will there be no different ? or may be is i dun make a different n part of his life n everyone else.. i really scare history will repeat !! i put in my everything my whole heart but end up i m jus a passer by n a passer by who jus purly wake pass !! i m hurt enuff i wan a destination too !! i wanted to be pamper, dotes , care by ppl ! i really hope one day i will be part of someone life !! n the person will feel something is missing if i m nt around !! but no matter what i still love my dear !! n he the greatest guy i knw !!

whr the commitment n determination goes to ? lost in the forest ? or drop into the sea!! why even i try i feel that i had lose or i cannot make it !! or i dream too much n only knw how to dream ! dreaming of one day i will slim down !! i will have my own career !! a life that i want !! a wedding that i want !! a family that i love n love me !! r all this too much to ask for !!! whr all the fighting spirt goes to ???? i thot i hate ppl say i fat i useless wanna prove them wrong that i can be sucessful can be love can be pretty ????

i m scare that i cant make it in my job !! i m scare that i prove ppl right !! i scare i can realise my dreams !! i scare that i m lonely !! all this scares n many many more is what i having now !! i lost every confidence n strength to walk on !

may be ppl are right i m a failure !! failure in studies , work , relationship, friendship, every single thing else !!

what wrong with me !??????? i hate my emo brain n emo thots !!! i jus wanna get out of this !!! back to the happy go lucky me !!!! but that what going through me !!

pls reformat everything n allow me to choose what mus be loaded into the brain !!!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

lurve ♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 10:03 PM

almost 1 mth had pass..

things between us seems smooth.. the feeling is like we had been together for many many years. somehow there something that seems to be missing.. the sweetest of a couple who jus together..the feeling that u jus hope tat every single moments both of you are together... gt endless topic
to talk about or tons of thing u wan to do together.. or is jus me that think so..

like grace say,dating a 27 yr old guy is different.. n is really different.. partly i think also cause i nt working n i really is a person who have nt much fren. to me, a bf is my whole world. i m trying to get use to his work n his family lifestyle.. he give me a total new feeling.. something so different frm what i perviously had.. the feeling that i need to grow up , need to start having my own back up plan if he is caught at work, need to start having ppl who can pei me other den her..

may be is also i dun knw what time i will wake up, so is very hard for him to plan is day ba..

i really hope everything can work out for us..

公主也要长大的一天

peek ka boo ♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 7:16 PM

time to update blogger

Sunday, February 6, 2011

♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 9:01 PM

Trust ?

Can i trust anyone or the words they say ? I wish to lost trust in anyone but D is like making me feel that every one get close to me with the same motive.

W admitted that he had a 5 yr relationship with his currently gf. He didnt admit cause he stare that i will not take to him. He claim that he had totally no feeling for his gf wish to break off with her. W also admitted that he gt feeling for me. I totally dont understand. I ask him whether did he off his hp when he is with his gf he claim he never. I tried to call but it does not seem to go through. Talk to D about it and D claim that he gt no reason to keep it from me if he only jus wanna be gt friends. he feel that he gt motive behind that . W to me is like a big brother that i can really chat anything under the star with. But Cam i trust him now ?

This is the 3rd day i had been stoning at home.Suppose to meet the gers and guys for steamboat today but Angel,Rara and sange cannot make it. Li jun totally gt no reply from her. I am really super fare up. I really hate there nonsense already.Going to give up planning all the gathering since no one is interested.to even meet up..Lots of up and down .. Been thinking alot recently...

I really got no confidence in going into a relationship. I know my da xiao jie temper .. no everyone can really handle it .. But i really wish to be love n dotes. 2 more days and he will be back.. Miss him really lots recently..

Friday, February 4, 2011

♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 10:09 PM

BORING AND SICK !!

♥ Thoughts of m0nstAr ; @ 12:42 AM

Think he already reach china already ...

It had been since 24 hours i had not tok to him already..and really wonder how is he cold ?

I didnt expected that he had somehow walk into my life.

I had always though is G that i like.But i realise than wishing each other every morning or night does not really matter anything much.Even though, he sms had always managed to make my day. I like the way how he treasure the family bonds and how he love his family. But he does not really seem to know how to love a girl . Purposely ask him whether do he miss me but the reply was i miss my great-grandmother. Lame that what i call ..
I m really not suitable for a guy who never date any girl before or dont even know how to love a girl..just like what D had told me. Nevertheless , i really hope me & G can be really good friends.

As for W, i think we are just very very good friends who can talk about anything, who i will not mind travelling with.

The most major issue is GB. 4yrs 5mths to be actual being together plus 3 years of friendship. I really dun bear to give up this friendship. I know is hard to be with friend with your ex bf but i really hope it can be done between us. I know is hurting to see me having a new bf ( if i ever had one ) or seeing him having a new gf ( hoping the girl will be a better gf den me ) but i really dont wish to sacrifice our friendship. hais..

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OMG !! I am getting more and more greedy ..
No matter how i wish to control my speeding it seems that my wishlist or things i wanna do is getting longer and longer.
Was looking into the mirror today , suddenly feel that i look so old n hagged n worst no fashion sense.
How i wish i can really pamper myself every month..
But now need to work hard for my insurance paper and get a job as soon as possible in order to fullfill all this
Hopping i can collect more angbao tml so that i can buy my running shoes soon .. lol